You have been going back and forth with this decision for days, weeks, months even, and in the end you chicken out. Of course you have a great
excuse reason for not doing it and anybody looking on would agree that you made the right choice. But did you really?
On a number of occasions in our lives we hesitate to make decisions and we shy away from things without fully knowing why. We know the situation makes us uncomfortable or scared or maybe even a little bit embarrassed, but why? What is it that caused it to be that way?
Maybe it’s something that happened years ago that you never really dealt with. That incident that left you in tears but you buried it so deep inside that no one could ever tell how much it affected you. Maybe it’s that one time you failed a quiz in school or that one time you had an argument with a good friend. Maybe it’s when you were scolded by your mother for being disobedient or that one time you think someone was condescending towards you… there are so many seemingly “little” and “unimportant” things that happen to us that stay with us for years.
I have recently come to the realization that I have held on to so many things that have started to become a very heavy burden. I’ve done a lot of introspection some of which have been painful for me. I always said I wasn’t a fan of self discovery but I found myself wanting to understand why I am the way I am. After all, if I can’t understand me how can I expect that anyone else will?
Like most things in life there is no simple explanation for what makes me react the way I do in various situations but I think examining similar situations in the past can help shed light on the present. Situations that I have forbidden myself to think about and moments that I probably have chosen not to relive.
How do I bring myself to face the things I try so hard to avoid?
In my next few posts (some of which I’ve already started to write ) I will attempt to share with you my discoveries about myself and my attempts to let go of the things that have shaped and are still shaping they way my life is.