I havent posted anything for a while, not because I didnt want to but because I either didnt have the time or I started the post and discarded it. I’ve been feeling like life is moving so fast and I’m just not catching up. My research documentary is due next Friday and I’m still not done filming. I try very hard not to freak out but with all the other assignments I have to do it gets more that a little overwhelming.
The past two weeks have been particularly hard. I don’t smile half as often as I use to and I cry a lot more. My hair is a mess and I look terrible. I’m not depressed but I’m not happy either. I’m blaming stress and the pressure of being in the last few weeks of university for my general melancholy mood. Is it true though? Has my life become such a burden because I’m scared of failing school or is there something else I need to get checked out?
Hmmm… I could make an appointment to see the psychiatrist at school or is it the psychologist? I’m not sure which… I think It’s the psychiatrist though, that would make more sense.
I doubt I will go. Its one thing to think I’m losing my mind but its a totally different arena to have someone certify that I am. I’ll try to work through my problems without having a professional asking me “how I feel about that” and other pressing questions that would only serve to further depressing me.
Maybe I need to pray some more. I do need some sort of help that those who try to be accommodating cannot provide. God hasnt turned his back on me. I just haven’t reached out enough.
I try but I can’t make it all by myself. What am I missing? What do I need to do? Have you been trying to talk to me, if you have would you mind repeating please. I’m not sure I’ve gotten it. Mommy always say I should always be thankful and that I should count my blessings. Sp in my struggles even as I cry out for your help I thank you for all that you are and all that you have done. Lord I don’t feel like I’m the girl I use to be. I want to be happy again. I need help! Please?!