When I woke up yesterday I opened my eyes but quickly closed them again.
“Ah God why isn’t it Saturday?!…I have to go to work today and I’m not so sure I’m up for that… I don’t want to be ungrateful God, so many people are earnestly seeking jobs and I have one (regardless of how I feel about it and the people there)… but Oh God I feel like I can’t manage… Dear Lord, I pray for patience.”
I stayed in bed for another hour at least. Thinking, analyzing, wondering, remembering… even on the verge of crying… I felt trapped. I NEED an out but nothing seems possible, not even relatively probably…
In my mind I had a conversation with my mother (something I would’ve loved to be able to do in person but I don’t live with her and I had no credit)
Me: Mommy (childish voice)
Mommy: what happen to my baby now
Me: me nuh waa go a work… me really really really don’t like my job. I need a new one and I dont think I’m gonna get one soon… I can’t quit but if i stay where i am now it will drive me crazy. I studied to be a a journalist, and so many people think i am lucky to have gotten a job reading and writing news but if only they knew…
Mommy: stop stressing yourself baby, you’re a blessed child and it will work out for you. Remember God is an on-time God. Always remember he may not come when you want him but he’ll be there right on-time
***Aside: That’s one of her favourite songs, “He’s an ontime god yes he is…”****
The conversation ended and I started singing, “isn’t it great when he’s four days late he’s still on time
♫…But Lord, four days late And all help is gone Lord we don't understand Why you waited so long But his way is God's way Not yours or mine And isn't it great When he's four days late He's till on time…♫
On my way to work I started thinking about things in my life I want to change and things I want to achieve. A wave of sadness came over me but in a little convo with God I again asked for patience.
I came out of the taxi and felt the urge to update my facebook status. I wrote the first thing that came to my mind… “I pray for patience”
By the time I got to work all I could think about was how much a wish it was Friday… at least I wouldn’t have work the following day. I sent a text to my hubby indicating that I wasn’t feeling well. I was tempted to say I hate my life… but somewhere in the back of my mind I kept hearing my mother telling me that He’s an on-time God and again I prayed for patience.
As faith would have my prayer was interrupted by the ringing of my phone. It was a number I didn’t recognize so of course I put on my best business voice and answered “Hello, good afternoon…”
The person on the phone was calling to conduct a telephone interview (which the first step in a three step interview process for a job I had applied for).
I answered all the questions as best as I could with the brightest smile on my face. There is no guarantee I’ll make it to round two of the interview process but that phone call gave me more happiness that I thought it possibly could.
That phone call restored my hope.
I said my thank yous to the Big Man and again I prayed for patience.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
There are so many others things happening, or not happening that I need help with right now… friendships, family issues, personal struggles but as I learnt from my experiences on September 15, 2011, I’ll leave them to God and continue to pray for patience.