My heart is willing but my pocket is weak

Have you ever walked past a store window and willed yourself to look the other way? Well, that has come second nature to me! Unfortunately I’ve always been too concerned about balancing a tight budget so I’ve allowed myself very little room to wander.

I can count on one hand how many brand name clothes or shoes I own and I wont need all my fingers. I have never been particularly interested in getting the latest styles and fashion because from a very young age it was engraved in m mind that it is always better to live within my means. As the years went by I held on to the hope that my “means” would one day increase so it would be easier to live within then but that day is yet to come.

The past few months have been particularly hard for me despite the fact that all my bills were paid, I manage to put aside money to cover work each month and even bought myself something nice in an attmept to dispell the feeling that I’m only working to pay bills. All my needs were covered but there was still a nagging voice in the back of my head saying “I want… I want… and I want…”. I’ve heard the voice and I must admit my heart is willing… but my pocket is rather weak.

I’ve been ignoring it, but its becoming increasingly difficult especially in light of the fact that my shoes, slippers and handbag all decided to fail me within a two hour period on the same day about a month ago! I begrudgingly replaced each of them and guess what happened… They all failed me Again!  Now I can’t blame them because I knew they were all cheap but my oh my… I never expected them to go so quickly.

Now I’m faced with a dilemma.

I need to replace the handbag, the shoes and the slippers but I’m a little scared to start looking. That annoying voice in my head has started shouting and I’m not sure I’ll be able to block it out 😦

Can someone please save me?

I want I need to buy proper items this trip so I wont have to be spending again so soon but for the life of me I just cant afford them and knowing this has brought me to an all new low. I feel tired, frustrated, despondent, <insert a plethora of emotions here> and sad. So soo sad.

I’d love to own nicer, sturdier, prettier bags and shoes and clothes and… the list goes on… but for some reason its just not within my means.

When will my means increase?

Will it ever… or am I doomed to a live of constantly evaluating each item I purchase on the grounds of what I want Vs what I can afford?

Sigh,

Sherjei

I want… I want… I want…

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2 comments on “My heart is willing but my pocket is weak

  1. WOW! I is in d same boat mi dear, I try not even to think about money cuz I get sooooo depressed, and I wonder the same thing, will I work through life to only survive on the bare necessities? … I sooo dread that, but somebody said to me d oda day that I’m young so “it’s ok” that I’m always broke and my means will increase as I grow older. *sigh* I dunno if I believe that, do you? … *hugs*

    • Jah Know, People always say you’re young and you’re starting life so its ok to be broke but I find it hard to handle still.
      Sigh… I keep telling myself that I’ll be better off soon so I try not to worry

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