Tonight I cried…

Tonight I cried…

I cried because at the moment I had no idea what else to do. I was tired, frustrated and a little depressed and I was sure no one would understand how I was feeling if I tried to explain. So I cried.

I cried for the fatigue I feel at the mere thought of doing more online transcriptions for less than minimum wage because I need the money. 

I cried because I wanted to go out to dinner to eat at a place I’ve never tried before instead of facing my kitchen where my options were limited to Excelsior and Miss Birdie crackers.

I cried because I spend my whole life taking care of everybody else while I’m badly in need of being taken care of myself.

I cried for my locks that need to be groomed but can’t because I don’t have the time and I can’t afford to pay someone else to do it.

I cried because I don’t currently own a work shoes and the one slippers I have threatened to fail me this week.

I cried because the inner part of my work pants (that I inherited years ago) now have holes because they’ve done their time and I simply cant replace them.

I cried because my dream of a vacation where I can lay on a beach, drink a beer and forget the world is fading from my mind

I cried because I’m so sick and so tired of being afraid to say the wrong thing at the wrong time and I’m alwys too scared of offending someone

I cried for the experiences I am too old to have, for all the moments I decided to do the smart thing when the fun thing was what I wanted

I cried…

 

Tonight I cried.

A cry from a place so deep within that I didn’t know existed

A cry from a pain so real that it scared me.

A cry from a lost sole trying to find its way…

Tonight I cried… because I had no idea what else to do

 

Sherjei

I’m Dreaming of Control

One of my greatest challenges for 2013 was not being able to control a lot of things that affected me directly or indirectly. I spent much of my time focusing on the problems I was having and very little time creating ways to solve them. Its no wonder I was often so sad or depressed.

I had it all wrong and I needed a change!! So as 2013 was taking its final breaths the reviews of its performance started pouring in I vowed to stop waiting for things to happen and to start making them happen.

I decided to start planning. The more I planned the more inspired I was to keep planning. Sounds corny but its absolutely true!!

So now I’m dreaming of control. Control of my life, control of my emotions, control of my finances, control of my body.

PS… I’m starting Yoga this month. How long til I can do this?

I wanna do this...

I wanna do this…

Toodles,

Sherjei

2014… My Year of Dreams

There’s something about a new year that just screams new start and this year I cant help but listen.

I am well ware that my life and my challenges are the same as they were two days ago but what is different now is the dreams I’m allowing myself to dream.

I spent last year feeling like I was playing catch up. I was doing just enough to survive while always wishing I could be doing something else.

This year I intend to change that. This year I intend to live.

So… Hello 2014, let’s play!

Sherjei