Tonight I cried…
I cried because at the moment I had no idea what else to do. I was tired, frustrated and a little depressed and I was sure no one would understand how I was feeling if I tried to explain. So I cried.
I cried for the fatigue I feel at the mere thought of doing more online transcriptions for less than minimum wage because I need the money.
I cried because I wanted to go out to dinner to eat at a place I’ve never tried before instead of facing my kitchen where my options were limited to Excelsior and Miss Birdie crackers.
I cried because I spend my whole life taking care of everybody else while I’m badly in need of being taken care of myself.
I cried for my locks that need to be groomed but can’t because I don’t have the time and I can’t afford to pay someone else to do it.
I cried because I don’t currently own a work shoes and the one slippers I have threatened to fail me this week.
I cried because the inner part of my work pants (that I inherited years ago) now have holes because they’ve done their time and I simply cant replace them.
I cried because my dream of a vacation where I can lay on a beach, drink a beer and forget the world is fading from my mind
I cried because I’m so sick and so tired of being afraid to say the wrong thing at the wrong time and I’m alwys too scared of offending someone
I cried for the experiences I am too old to have, for all the moments I decided to do the smart thing when the fun thing was what I wanted
Tonight I cried.
A cry from a place so deep within that I didn’t know existed
A cry from a pain so real that it scared me.
A cry from a lost sole trying to find its way…
Tonight I cried… because I had no idea what else to do