Walk by faith and not by sight…

I was going through some old draft posts and decided I would share this one from 5 years ago rather than deleting it…

“The woman who left home without enough money to get back but came back with change in her purse… My mother.

I recently graduated from the University of the West Indies Mona and is now staring down over a million dollars of debt to be repaid over a 7 year period as my students’ loan has a ridiculous interest rate. Of course I knew this going into Uni but I went ahead and signed all the papers knowing that it was my only chance to get that first degree in short order. What i didn’t know then was that the thought of repaying $1.2 million would be so stressful. Mark you I have not started repaying just yet so for now its merely the thought that is causing my beautiful black hair to become lightly decorated with a colour I didn’t choose to add to it.

Now I do have a job (if you can call it that) but at the amount I will have to pay per month I wouldn’t have enough left to get back to work the next month so of course I start worrying. But my mother has insisted that I don’t stress myself with it as everything will be just fine.

I’ve never been able to understand the level of faith by which my mother lives as she has smiled in the face of one adversity after the other.

In my short lifetime I’ve cried, shied away from challenges and sold myself short because for some reason I believed that there’s no way I could make it through.

But I’ve come to realize over time that my mother is right.

I rushed into a job that pays me very little and has no benefits partly because I thought I may not get lucky in the short term and I couldn’t afford to not work as the bills have to be paid.

I’ve always said I only want half the heart my mother has because I honestly believe her kindness would be her demise. But as times passed I came to realize that it is the blessings that she has accumulated through said kindness that have allowed her to survive all she has been through.

I still think I’ll be lucky to have half the heart that my mother has but having a heart just like hers wouldn’t hurt either.

Here are a few bible verses that gives me comfort…

  • 2 Corinthians 5:7 – For we live by faith, not by sight.
  • Romans 8:24 – For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?
  • 1 Corinthians 13:12 Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
  • 2 Corinthians 4:18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
  • Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”

5 years later… I have cleared the student loan debt, her faith has not wavered and I am still praying to have a heart like hers.

Sincerely,
Shermaine