2017… One Day at a time

It’s hard for me to believe that we’re only two months into 2017 as so much has happened to me and with me over the past few weeks.

I’ve been blissfully happy and painfully sad, laughed til I cried and just plain cried because I didn’t know what else to do… I started this year with an overall plan for improved health, wealth, friendships and adventures and so far it’s been an emotional ride.

Looking back I’m thankful for each experience and I am both excited and scared for what the rest of the year will bring.

So far this year I…

  • spent a whole day catching up with two of my dearest friends
  • took a trip to California and spent a week attending the Special Event Show and exploring Long Beach and Hollywood
  • bought a purse that cost more than all the purses I’ve ever bought for myself combined
  • worn makeup more times that I did for all of last year combined (if you know me you know this is a significant achievement)
  • took a trip to Westwood High with the bestie to attend the launch of our 135th anniversary celebrations (first time back in 10 years),
  • freaked out about work thinking that it’s all too much and I’m in over my head
  • felt frustrated by work and feeling like I’ve reach my limit with my current department
  • found the faith to remind myself that all things are possible through God
  • planned and executed two major live shows (Magnum Live and Redemption Live Concerts) … while working on several other projects as well
  • Bought into my company’s IPO… got a good enough number of shares that have now doubled in value in just three weeks
  • cleared a COK Debt con loan that I had taken out two years ago to pay off the Student’s Loan Bureau
  • lent money to someone I swore I never would again because he said he’d otherwise end up in jail
  • keep switching between giving up on the weight loss plan and being very motivated to keep going
  • “runalked” the Sagicor Sigma 5k run in 53:11 minutes
  • went on a “venue hunting” site visit  which turned into a road trip to Westend in Negril… absolutely stunning venues!!
  • gone through last term’s reports with the kids and dealt with the fact that 2 out of three are failing school
  • hit an all time low feeling I have failed the kids and they in turn have started to fail school
  • gotten angrier at my mother’s first born for her lack or contribution to her kids and her lack of concern that they are now failing
  • got a Valentine’s gift that melted my heart… “Nuts about you” he said 🙂
  • had to accept the fact that  Canadian High Commission didn’t trust that I would return home after visiting their country so they denied my request for a temporary resident’s visa… which ultimately means my plans to travel to see the hubby for his birthday next month are cancelled
  • cried myself to sleep realizing that I will not be seeing the hubby for another 5 months at least
  • missed out an a chance to visit lime cay for the first time ever cause I was too scared on going on the yacht because I can’t swim…
  • tried to encourage others to be their best selves even while admitting that I have a long way to go
  • spent waaaay too much money between the Dermatologist and the Dentist

I could go on, really I could… but for now I’ll stop here. Let’s see what more is in store for me this year…

As the journey continues I remain committed to improving health, wealth, friendships and adventures.

Cheers!

~ Shermaine

Facing the problem

Argument after argument after argument… It’s frustrating, it’s tiring, it’s depressing and all you want to do is escape.

Tempers are high, tension is rife, somebody is tired of always trying to make peace and somebody just wants to be right for once… Nobody seems to be able to calm down and think.

Think about what the real issue is. Why is it a problem that the phone rang, why is there an argument about the colour of the sky, why are you chastising him because he tried to help… why?

Nobody stops to think that maybe the one million little things are making a giant arrow which points to a much larger issue. Nine times out of ten, an argument about every little thing is an indication that there is something that needs to be discussed but both parties have been dancing around the issue.

Now, humour me for a moment and let us imagine that you are deadly afraid of dogs.

Its Friday evening you’ve had a pretty rough week and you just want to go home. You rush out of work early and as fate would have it there is a bus just ready to leave as soon as you get to the buS park. You start thinking of your weekend to come and you cant help but smile, some well needed rest and relaxation awaits you.

You smile sweetly as you disembark the bus and start walking towards your home. In 5 minutes the stressful week will officially be over and you can relax. All is right with the world… until you notice that there is a huge dog in the road up ahead. You walk this route everyday and you’ve never seen it before.

Fear kicks in and you freeze on the spot. What will you do?

You have three choices; you can turn back, you can remain as you are or you can continue and past the dog.

Choice number one and two doesn’t help you at all cause you don’t get to your desired destination. Choice number three is your only hope of getting home to that peaceful and relaxing place yet there are many things that will pass through your mind; will this dog attack you, can you outrun it if it comes down to that… all in all it is a risk you have to take.

Getting to that place of comfort will involve great risk.

That issue, that problem, that concern that you’re avoiding, it will only get worse if you don’t face it. And like that dog in the road its going nowhere until you do something about it.

Talk it through, find a solution… it might not be the solution you want it to be but it might be what is best for you in the long run.

Toodles,
Sherjei

Walk by faith and not by sight…

I was going through some old draft posts and decided I would share this one from 5 years ago rather than deleting it…

“The woman who left home without enough money to get back but came back with change in her purse… My mother.

I recently graduated from the University of the West Indies Mona and is now staring down over a million dollars of debt to be repaid over a 7 year period as my students’ loan has a ridiculous interest rate. Of course I knew this going into Uni but I went ahead and signed all the papers knowing that it was my only chance to get that first degree in short order. What i didn’t know then was that the thought of repaying $1.2 million would be so stressful. Mark you I have not started repaying just yet so for now its merely the thought that is causing my beautiful black hair to become lightly decorated with a colour I didn’t choose to add to it.

Now I do have a job (if you can call it that) but at the amount I will have to pay per month I wouldn’t have enough left to get back to work the next month so of course I start worrying. But my mother has insisted that I don’t stress myself with it as everything will be just fine.

I’ve never been able to understand the level of faith by which my mother lives as she has smiled in the face of one adversity after the other.

In my short lifetime I’ve cried, shied away from challenges and sold myself short because for some reason I believed that there’s no way I could make it through.

But I’ve come to realize over time that my mother is right.

I rushed into a job that pays me very little and has no benefits partly because I thought I may not get lucky in the short term and I couldn’t afford to not work as the bills have to be paid.

I’ve always said I only want half the heart my mother has because I honestly believe her kindness would be her demise. But as times passed I came to realize that it is the blessings that she has accumulated through said kindness that have allowed her to survive all she has been through.

I still think I’ll be lucky to have half the heart that my mother has but having a heart just like hers wouldn’t hurt either.

Here are a few bible verses that gives me comfort…

  • 2 Corinthians 5:7 – For we live by faith, not by sight.
  • Romans 8:24 – For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?
  • 1 Corinthians 13:12 Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
  • 2 Corinthians 4:18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
  • Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”

5 years later… I have cleared the student loan debt, her faith has not wavered and I am still praying to have a heart like hers.

Sincerely,
Shermaine

Hello 2017…

 

I am walking into 2017 knowing that whatever the year brings me will be as a result of a combination of choices, chances and changes.

Much of life is unpredictable but I have learnt that it is my choice of reaction to changes along the way that has ultimately brought me the successes (and failures) that I have had so far and for that I am choosing to focus on the positives for 2017!

I have dubbed 2017 my year of Awesome and while I expect numerous challenges along the way I am prepared to overcome and rise above all.

If i must be honest I am a little apprehensive about sharing my new year resolutions with the world but I believe that sharing them might help to keep me accountable so here goes…

For 2017 I resolve to;

  1. Focus on friendships… develop existing ones and mend those that have been neglected.
  2. Focus on family… (it may be about time I start to focus on my own)
  3.  Improve my health… (shifting focus from weight loss to holistic health improvement)
  4. Improve savings and build a real emergency fund
  5. Travel (in and out of Jamaica)

In essence for 2017 my plans are for improved health, wealth, friendships and adventures.

Cheers to my year of awesome!

Let’s do this…

Shermaine

You Are Exactly Where You Need To Be

We spend so much time each day trying to escape from where we are that we often miss the beauty of this life as it passes us by.

We get so caught up in what isn’t and what should’ve and could’ve been that we fail to see what IS.

It is natural for us to look back on our life and wonder how different it would have been if we had made a different decision in high school or college or at any random juncture, but these thoughts can sometimes do more harm than good.

The reality is there is no way to change the past (unless that time machine has been invented and someone is hiding it from us). So while we reminisce we must avoid getting caught up in the “if only’s” and focus instead on using all the lessons learnt from the past to assist in being more engaged in the present and ultimately chart the course we want for the future.

It is also natural for us to compare ourselves to others and wonder how they are “so far ahead” while we seem to be struggling by. Remember though that everyone has their own journey and no two lives are exactly the same.

Develop the habit of celebrating your own successes, regardless of how small you may think they are and be genuinely happy for the success of others and you will find that this is far more rewarding for you than the comparisons.

Today I challenge you as I am challenging myself, be present in THIS moment in your life! Appreciate the ability to dream about new adventures and experiences while knowing that today is just as miraculous as your dreams. Know within yourself that you can make a difference not just in your life but in the lives of those around you by choosing to focus on the positives that exists.

When you examine your life you may find that you may not have ended up where you wanted to go but trust that in this moment you are right where you need to be.

~ Shermaine

I’m so Glad that, Jesus Knows

You know those days when you go to pray and you can’t quite find the right words to express how you’re feeling? On those days I usually end up saying something along the lines of “Jesus, you see and you know” and believe it or not it kinda sorta calms me… most times.

The past week has been pretty rough for me and now that I want to pray I find that all I can do is sing this song. I need to ask God something but I can’t find the words… Sweet baby Jesus… When it rains, it POURS. You see and you know!

There are times I, get discouraged,
Trying to carry, its hard
Some times this heavy load.
But I decided, to keep on toiling,
I’m so glad that, Jesus knows.

When it rains, it pours!
Storm cloud rise, billows roll.
Just seek Jesus, He’ll bring sunshine,
I’m so glad that, Jesus knows.

There are times we all are, faulty accuse
All because, of what, some thing,
Someone has told.
They won’t believe in you in you side,
No matter what you try to do,
I’m so glad that, Jesus knows.

When it rains, it pours!
Storm cloud rise and billows roll!
(Thank you Jesus!)
Just seek Jesus, He’ll bring sunshine!
I’m so glad that, Jesus knows.

When there are troubles, in your home,
When deep down in your heart,
you know for Yourself, you’ve done no wrong.
Get on your keens and
Give it to Jesus, Hell take control!
Just be glad that, he knows!

When it rains, it pours!
Storm cloud rise, and sometimes,
Billows roll! Just seek Jesus!
He’ll bring sunshine! Yes,
I’m so glad that Jesus knows!

(Let’s say it one more time!)
When it rains, it pours!
Storm cloud rise, thank you Jesus, billows roll!
Just seek Jesus, (Thank you Jesus!)
He’ll bring sunshine! Yes,
I’m so glad that, Jesus knows

Tonight I cried…

Tonight I cried…

I cried because at the moment I had no idea what else to do. I was tired, frustrated and a little depressed and I was sure no one would understand how I was feeling if I tried to explain. So I cried.

I cried for the fatigue I feel at the mere thought of doing more online transcriptions for less than minimum wage because I need the money. 

I cried because I wanted to go out to dinner to eat at a place I’ve never tried before instead of facing my kitchen where my options were limited to Excelsior and Miss Birdie crackers.

I cried because I spend my whole life taking care of everybody else while I’m badly in need of being taken care of myself.

I cried for my locks that need to be groomed but can’t because I don’t have the time and I can’t afford to pay someone else to do it.

I cried because I don’t currently own a work shoes and the one slippers I have threatened to fail me this week.

I cried because the inner part of my work pants (that I inherited years ago) now have holes because they’ve done their time and I simply cant replace them.

I cried because my dream of a vacation where I can lay on a beach, drink a beer and forget the world is fading from my mind

I cried because I’m so sick and so tired of being afraid to say the wrong thing at the wrong time and I’m alwys too scared of offending someone

I cried for the experiences I am too old to have, for all the moments I decided to do the smart thing when the fun thing was what I wanted

I cried…

 

Tonight I cried.

A cry from a place so deep within that I didn’t know existed

A cry from a pain so real that it scared me.

A cry from a lost sole trying to find its way…

Tonight I cried… because I had no idea what else to do

 

Sherjei

2014… My Year of Dreams

There’s something about a new year that just screams new start and this year I cant help but listen.

I am well ware that my life and my challenges are the same as they were two days ago but what is different now is the dreams I’m allowing myself to dream.

I spent last year feeling like I was playing catch up. I was doing just enough to survive while always wishing I could be doing something else.

This year I intend to change that. This year I intend to live.

So… Hello 2014, let’s play!

Sherjei

Hello younger Me… Don’t forget to live

If you could talk to a younger you what would you say?

Would you talk about work, family, relationships, money? Would you give a warning, some words of advice or would you be lost for words and not know what to say?

Recently Olivia sent me an email titled “Thought of the Day”. In that email was a link that led me to a story about a 30 second conversation with your younger self and Its been playing on mind mind since. What would I say to a younger me?

5 years ago I would be starting University. 5 years ago I had very different plans for my life than I have today. Essentially over the past 5 years I have evolved significantly. So what would I say to myself then… Do I warn myself about the courses to choose and what major to do, Do i warn myself about the guys to date, Do I warn myself about some life changing decisions to come…There are so many things to say but with only 30 seconds to talk its hard to choose…

But the more I think about what to say the more it becomes clear what it is I would need to say.

All I would tell myself is to live. Forget about the world and just live!

I’ve spent so much of my life being responsible and doing the right thing that sometimes I wonder if I’ve enjoyed life enough. Have I given myself a chance to create some amazing memories?

I was told by a friend of mine recently that I’m trying to come out of my little box but its still obvious that I’m not very bold. This after I refused advise to buy a shorts with my butt cheeks exposed and bright coloured pants that scream please stare at me!

While I laughed at the time and tried to play it off I’ve given more thought to it after and it has stayed in the back of my mind. I was grown very sheltered. My parents were conservative and instilled certain values in me that has resulted in me subconsciously erring on the side of caution more times than not. So although I love the light green striped skirt on the mannequin in the store I walk to the rack to check whether they have it in black and white instead… That way I can wear the skirt with more tops and it wont stand out too much.

If I could talk to myself 5 years ago for just 30 seconds i would tell me to forget the world and just live… same thing I’m telling myself now.

Forget the world and Live. Make the most of everyday! Tomorrow is promised to no one!

“When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love …”
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

“At the end of the day, let there be no excuses, no explanations, no regrets.”

Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

Toodles,

Sherjei

Hiding from Myself…

Tonight I had one of those eye opening moments that you wish you hadn’t realized what you just realized and you want to stop the world and reverse the time so you can return to blissful self denial but try as you might you know its not possible so you just start babbling… Yea… Tonight I realized that I’ve spent the last 2 years hiding from myself.

After watching a photoshop tutorial on Youtube I was super excited to try what I had just learned so I went in search of a recent photo of myself to use. Low and behold I could not find any. Not a single one!! This once overly photogenic, always smiling and ready for that pic chick does not have a single photo of herself… This is unheard of… Or is it?

A photo captures that moment and preserves that story for many years to come. Every time you see that photo again you are able to relive that moment and experience all the emotions  you were feeling all over again. I’ve been avoiding that… With all the changes that I have gone through over the past two years I have not wanted to capture many moments.
Don’t get me wrong now, there have been many happy moments but I have not been so keen on capturing them because then I would be forced to relive the heartaches I’ve had to endure as well.

Over the past 2 years I have “grown up” a lot. Not only have I taken on more adult responsibilities as it relates to life after university but how I feel about the skin I live in has been greatly altered as well. When the first thing to come out of everybody you meet is “you’ve gained so much weight” or “lawd you get so fat” or “how old is the baby cause with all this weight you must have one baby” it gets harder every day to put that smile on… real or fake.

It gets harder to look in the mirror, it gets harder to convince yourself that you are beautiful, it gets harder to smile and allow someone to see into your soul through the ever searching lens of a camera. Even after buying new clothes and trying to fix the hair and adding the nicest polish to the nails… it just doesn’t feel right. I just do not feel like i use to. So I shy away from every camera.  You say photo and I immediately hide.

For the few times that I’m trapped and unable to hide you see the pain and the discomfort in my eyes. You can see me wondering how many persons are going to comment on how heavy I look today… you can see me wishing there was a way to get out of that shot.

I’ve been hiding… hiding from the penetrating gaze of the cameras, hiding from a cruelly judgmental world… hiding from myself

~ Sherjei